The Report

It's about time you people finally got your heads on straight. Everyone should know that I'm the best dancer. Apparently it took you two years to figure that out. I even had the videos to prove it! I'm not a great dancer... I'm the greatest dancer. Yet twice Tammy and her awards came around and twice she spurned me. Can you even name the winners from the last year? No, you can't. But you know my name. Why is this, dear people. It's because I'm great and misunderstood, that's why.

For the third time I was nominated and this year I finally won. It's about time, but I still don't think you're a bunch of it-getters. I'm pretty sure it was just name recognition on the ballot. Everyone knows who I am. I don't need your charity. I want to know that you really do think I am the best dancer, because I am. Time and again you have told me that my moves aren't good enough for your silly yet oh so shiny golden ass. Now I'm suddenly good enough? I was always good enough. I still am and always will be. When I'm old I'm going to have more geezer moves than that Six Flags guy with the glasses that are far inferior to mine.

Now tell me how great of a dancer I am and prove to me that you were one of the smart voters. If you didn't vote, you should have, but tell me how great I am anyway. And feel free to throw in more compliments while you're at it.