lincolnish: (our leader)
Ok,  yeah, this quote is total bullshit. Do you know what really grows on you when you get older? Gray hairs. Gray with an a because that's the AMERICAN way to do it, I don't want to hear this gray with an e crap. That makes it grey then it's not gray anymore. Firefox spell check doesn't even count it as a word, so there.

Anyway, gray hair grows on your head if you're lucky. A lot of people go bald, now I am a Catholic and I respect the church as much as anybody, but I'm not ready to go around looking like a monk anytime soon. I'm a brother, but not that kind of brother.

Luckily, I only have a few stray GRAY hairs around my temples. Yes, I know from far away it looks like I have jet black hair that would blend in perfectly with the night sky, but look closely and you'll see the GRAYS. I refuse to die my hair, that's for girls.

You know what else grows on old people? Warts. I don't have any but my Grandpa Fred did. When I was eight I told him that he looked like a pirate ship with barnacles all over it. He kicked my ass, literally. Damn, Grandpa had some pointy boots. Old people also have GRAY hair that grows out of their ears and nose. They also eat at the Golden Corral a lot and go to sleep at 4:30. Getting old isn't about happy endings. It's about prune juice and potlucks and bingo every Thursday at your local rec center.

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Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA

November 2009

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