Dec. 10th, 2008

lincolnish: (fist of colbert)
I don't understand why certain products exist. I'm all for marketing, who doesn't love a good Geico gecko? They are so cute with their silly little accents. I'm getting one for my daughter for Christmas actually, but don't tell! I hope she doesn't read this. That could ruin stuff.

Geckos and hamburglers and Joe Camels aside, one product in the lucrative sex industry that I don't understand is the Obama condom. What makes it Obama like? Does it make your junk give speeches? Say what you want, Obama fans, but unless your girl is into mutated body parts, I don't think she's going to go down on your talking head.

Maybe the politician who really needs his own condom is Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, who was recently arrested for a number of charges, among them trying to sell Obama's vacant senate seat to the highest bidder. He knew he was being investigated and only a few days ago he said he had nothing to hide and publicly stated that anyone who wanted to could tape his phone calls. Like the esteemed Dr. House says, "everybody lies". If this guy is going to jail, he may need to give his cellmate Bubba some protection, because you know he's gonna end up as somebody's bitch. It's the way of the streets, yo.

Obama says he knew nothing about this. Hm. For a really smart guy, he sure seems to not know a lot of things. First he didn't know about his pastor, now this. Chicago is like Kentucky, all inbred but with possibly more annoying accents. For him to have not heard anything anywhere at anytime with those big ol' ears of his is pretty unbelievable.

Nation, I gave you the chance to avoid having either an Obama or McCain presidency a long time ago, but did you listen? Nooooooooo. I'm not a serious candidate you said, I'm unelectable you said. Whatever. I still think I would have made a better president than any of the yahoos who ran. The Colbert Nation is very real, but it's not America. I am the glow in the dark Spongebob band-aid that this country needs. Remember your write-ins four years from now, people! You can choose the running mate, I'm not picky, though Mickey Mouse seems cool.

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lincolnish: (Default)
Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA

November 2009

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