lincolnish: (captain america)
[personal profile] lincolnish
I live in the greatest country in the world with the greatest family in world and the greatest dog in the world is currently drooling on the greatest shoes in the world. Get down, Ripper! Don't you know that these things cost more than your designer dog biscuits?! Crazy lil guy.

The biggest problem is that I'm away from the greatest state in the world. As you all should know, I'm from South Carolina, but due to people being bigoted toward's America's Heartland, I had to move. I wound up in the belly of the beast itself - New York City. I know that it could be worse and I could have been living in a hippie tent made out of dope in San Fransico, but the devil and his temptations are everywhere here! It's not  called the Big Apple for nothing! Satan wants you to take a big ol' chomp and fall into his evil plots to doom humanity!

[this is where the total crack plot that we've been working on comes in, if your muse doesn't want to play or acknowledge it, I totally inderstand]

I always thought that the color purple was stupid, not the Oprah color purple thing, but the actual color. It's for girls and gays. My beautiful daughter with hair of violet has completely changed my mind about this. When I breathe in her jasmine scent, all I can think about is how lucky I am to have such a great offspring who is such an asset to the Colbert Nation. Just wait until she takes on the Chinese singlehandedly! The Chinks'll do anything for jasmine. Those Chinese sons of bitches are going down.

Going down of course with the help of the mastermind behind Stark Industries, Tony Stark himself. He encourages my love of nukes. He even let me draw a smiley face on one once. I think that one went to Iraq. I hope it killed a turban guy. But he doesn't count as part of my home I don't think. Just because I impregnated a man to make a completely perfect purple haired winged baby that some would call a Mary Sue doesn't make me gay. 

OOC: Muses referred to in this are [personal profile] aestarkand [profile] xaxayayana.
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Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA

November 2009

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